Just like the embers in a fire pit that have all but fully extinguished. It’s not the same healthy burn in a fire that grows and crackles; it’s more of the way the last few pieces accept the fire is out, but still appreciate burning just a little bit longer.
You’re not exactly drawn to it in the same way you are when the fires roaring. There isn’t the same pull on your attention when the fires roaring, as when it is when it’s all but gone out completely. In a fire that rages new and has just ignited, the colors pull you in and the warmth draws you closer. But this isn’t that kind of burn, it’s just enough of a burn left to occasionally draw you back.
It’s those moments when there’s a pop loud enough to get your attention or when the stream of smoke picks back up just a little too strong, you find yourself overly aware of the coals to ensure they don’t erupt into a flame again.

I know watching the embers burn isn’t going to restart the fire, and is that ever really anyone’s intent when they watch the coals go out?
I don’t believe so.

I know I’ve always been mesmerized by the way the coals slowly die out. There’s a calm in getting lost in the soft reds and oranges as they turn to black; losing your thoughts in the quiet cracks and pops. There’s intrigue in how a fire can die out in front of your eyes. But, if you ask me, there is beauty in the way the last piece slowly extinguishes.

I mean, I could always quickly drown the charcoal pieces by throwing water onto the pit, but then that fire is over. Finished. Complete. No more.

Anyone who has ever started a fire knows when you don’t tend to it properly, it’ll die out. You have to be aware of your starting wood and the little pieces that ignite quickly to get the fire going. You’re aware of the placement of the wood in the pit and you know how easily certain pieces can burn compared to others. You also know there are outside forces which can enhance or inhibit the fire. When it’s windy you become aware of how easy the fire can get out of control. When there’s moisture in the air, you know how difficult it can be to keep the fire going.

Those aren’t the only factors though. When there are multiple people tending to a fire, you know too much attention can smother it, just as quickly as not tending to it adequately can. With one person adding wood and the other moving the burning pieces around, there’s a good chance you just might put the flames out.

Much like a relationship, a fire is a finicky object which evolves and progresses with the attention it’s given and the elements it’s surrounded with. There are the solid pieces you need to start a fire, the logical side. And there are the effects of the fire which entrance you, the emotional side. It really can turn into quite the balancing act between adding the right amount of wood when necessary in all the right spots, and being careful not to get too lost in the patterns the smoke makes that you forget what you’re doing.

Anyone who has been taken back by a fire reigniting, knows extinguishing it completely is the safest way to ensure it won’t reignite while you’re sleeping. Logically, that is the safest option; yet some of me isn’t fully ready for that and that’s okay.
I’m not awaiting the fire to relight; it has dulled far too long for that to happen.

So instead I think I’ll slowly let the embers burn down. It wasn’t a fire that destroyed anything or anyone, it just merely died out. Watching the last few coals glow and the embers slowly darken is where the beauty in this heartbreak really is. The final stream of smoke, or the few last happy memories are all that’s left in this fire, and I’m perfectly content with that.



Now I am somewhat of a professional at applying to jobs as a 20-something without a college degree. Since I am such a giver, I am going to offer my intense wisdom to you. Also, I have experience in hiring people; so I really know what an employer wants to see in a resume for it to stand out. Let’s get straight to the helpful points!

1. Make sure your resume is full of bonafide and over enthusiastic descriptions! I love repeating myself two, three or even four times and changing the wording for. This really shows the employer that you only have a limited skill set, but have an unlimited talent in saying the same things over and over again; which most jobs require you to do anyway!

Example: Good people skills

  1. Can converse and get along with all ages
  2. Can help any customer with a smile on
  3. Can provide exceptional customer service to both customer and fellow coworkers
  4. Has mad people skills and can seem genuinely interested when talking even if I don’t care about the conversation. (Only take this route if you are super edgy and outgoing!)


2. Include a picture to set you aside from all other applicants; trust me, that shit works. An employer really wants to get a sense of self from the applicant and what better way to do that then adding some really telling photos right at the top of the resume!


This one says I am confident in my resume that even if I have a shotty picture, I can still rock that interview. It also let’s them know I don’t want a desk by a window because I don’t like the sun in my eyes.


This one shows I am really happy and love outdoors, coffee and athletic clothes; so I must be trendy and hella cool. I’m basically the perfect applicant already. *Bonus* The picture isn’t a selfie; really tells the employer you have friends in real life, not just on the internet.


This picture has me with other people so I must be social. And I know how to accessorize so that is a really good plus. *Pro Tip* Wear at least 5 accessories to your interview; peacocking isn’t just for attracting a mate.


3. Have a catch phrase in your resume multiple times that you can incorporate into your interview. I personally love including ‘Let me put it this way…’ every time I describe a characteristic I possess.

For example: The employer asks you to describe how capable you are to rectify a poor customer service experience. I would say “Let me put it this way, I can take a fresh piece of meat from a Grizzly and walk away unharmed.”

It really shows how creative I can be in describing an action with an over exaggerated hyperbole; and tell me someone who doesn’t love a good hyperbole? It also tells your employer you are willing to go the extra mile when helping a customer. How? If you’re willing to answer any question with a creative hyperbole, then you can go the distance to overkill any customer service interaction and employers love that!


I hope you have really grasped these tips and please take full advantage of my knowledge base to help you land a job. Especially when you don’t have a degree.


*If you actually do any of these and don’t get the job it’s not my fault you listened to a stranger on your resume. Sorry I won’t be sorry.

I’m back in the Dirty T.

And there isn’t much more to say than that…

I’m kidding; mostly. I am glad I get to see my family and friends so frequently. However, I have been applying to about a 150+ jobs hoping for the best! I am keeping my head up that I will find something over minimum wage though. Or, I can hope!

I am definitely bummed that Bryan I am currently 464 miles away; or an hour and a half plane ride. But then that means I am also approximately $200-$300 away as well. I am hopeful the distance might even enhance our relationship; so I have that going for me.


Well here’s to this week of nonstop job hunting and seeing as many loved ones as I can.

So yeah… Over. And. Out.


Merry Christmas! Happy Holidays! And whatever other greeting applies to you this time of year! This year we decided not to put up our fake tree and instead took all of our decorations and hung them on whatever we could find! I wanted to share with you how easy it is to decorate your home when you want to be festive, but not put forth too much effort.

We’ll start the home tour at the mantel.


As you can tell, we took great care to place our ornaments strategically along the mantel to really give you that feel that we took a long time to put this arrangement together. Also, please note the amazing Chewbacca stocking.

photo 4

Also, pay special attention to that little Darth Vader just kicking’ it on the mantel. To show his power, I made sure to edit this photo to put the focus on him, as he deserves. I mean, look how festive he is with his Santa hat.

Next let’s check out the DIY pallet shelf Bryan made that sits in our little wet-bar.christmas_tree_Topper

Bryan did a terrific job coordinating the colors of the ornaments to compliment the liquid bottles that are already there. He also made good use of our Pagan-esque tree topper and instead topped some lovely Jim Beam; Merry Christmas!

Look! We even have Rudolph celebrating with us this year.


We found a really great deal on a blinking red nose at the Dollar Tree last year and while the batteries died after about 12 hours, it’s obvious you know who our faux deer is trying to emulate. Bryan chose to give Rudi a very rustic and traditional Christmas-time feel. He has an old school lantern and a little Christmas gnome hanging from his antlers. And, the real surprise! If you look behind the gnome’s hat, you can see an ornament made from antlers, which is hanging on antlers; so perfect!

We made brilliant use of our patio doors by lining them with bright colored ornaments.


As I’m sure you can tell thus far, we really tried to focus on an eclectic, yet rustic Christmas theme. We tied in bright colors with traditional colors to create an eye-catching window display.

This was my favorite part of our decorations!


Until this happened.


All the damn snowflakes fell off. And now, this giant wall that demands your attention when you walk through the door, only has this little Merry Christmas decoration left.


We really tried to hide the hideous air control unit. I think we did a really terrific job camouflaging the unit by adding this little happy Christmas Snowman. Bryan decided last minute to add a snowflake on the S; which I really think brings the entire piece together.

As you can see Bryan really enjoyed decorating for Christmas.

photo 2

He was so enthused the entire time we were decorating that he used up all his excitement in that he couldn’t even muster a smile for this picture; poor guy!


I really hope you found some helpful tips that you can use to help enhance your home this Holiday season!

I have done some seriously deep thinking the last 6 months. I have decided I am going back to school.

I have done my research regarding schools and have considered the pros and cons of which path I should take; finishing my bachelor’s or starting anew for an interpreting certificate.

Given the time it takes to commit to an education, and mostly the money, I have decided the logical decision is to go back to Tucson to finish school. This hasn’t been an easy conclusion for me to decide on, or even really agree with.

Being in Tucson I have the benefit of living rent free with my family and (hopefully) finding a part time job that will work with my school schedule.

Staying in California is where I want to be emotionally. However, financially it is smarter to go back to Tucson to finish my education.

I know this isn’t going to be an easy transition, nor will the next two years while I finish my education. For obvious reasons this isn’t a topic I’d like to dive into in everyday conversation; however, I did want to share this with you all and my reasons why. I’ll be making the move after the New Year.

I thank you all, in advance, for your support (and luck!).

Big news! My yarn came in for my crochet projects! And while you probably don’t give a single shit about that, I have some actually exciting news! I am now going to be working at a very exciting (popular) crafting store! Yay for 30% discounts through the holiday season! Expect handmade gifts for the rest of forever! Or at least this year…

ALSO. I decided I’m going to participate in NaNoWriMo! NaNoWriMo is short for National Novel Writing Month. Basically I’m going to write 50,000 words in the month of November and hope they join together to create a lovely work of art. Fingers crossed here people! I’ve never participated in this before, even though I’ve wanted to. I decided I need to take life by the horns and DO SOMETHING!


I realize I’m taking on a lot in November: second job, making all the Christmas presents, writing a novel, procrastinating making the presents and then doing them in every waking moment two weeks before Christmas so I can ship them off. It’s going to be a busy month for sure!

Last weekend’s Halloween party was awesome and Bryan and I ended up being The Wicked Witch of the West and The Flying Monkey! I found my clothes at Goodwill, my hat and face color at a Halloween City and I made my nails from plastic blanks! They were pointy and everything! Bryan had a full-body monkey suit already, so he painted a blue shirt with some red triangles and then nabbed his blue hat from Halloween City and he painted that too. He’s also wearing black, feathered wings; which he got at Halloween City too.



Stay Tuned for some more lackluster blog posts while I figure out what I’m doing with my life!


My last blog post was a month ago… How time flies. Really, I do try and get a post up but I just don’t… So I’m probably not trying hard enough anyway!
What’s new you ask? Let me tell you!


1.       I’m going to register for a Wilton Buttercream Decorating class at my local Michael’s to improve my skills. I want to start baking again because I love it and it makes me happy… As long as I’m not rushing to make a cake in less time than necessary. (Which I tend to do a lot, ask my boyfriend.) As you might know, I have some natural talent… For frosting!


2.       My Brother got MARRIED! It’s so crazy to say that. Little Jimmy has a wife now. Holy shit. The wedding was beautiful and I only ugly cried once… Or twice. But! Much less than I thought I would originally… I’ll have more details of that glorious day in another post.


3.       I HAVE A SISTER NOW. Obviously closely related to #2, I now have a Sister! Technically a Sister-in-Law, but that’s too long and I’d much rather just say SISTER. I love this picture how Alyssa is just sort of doe-eyed and doesn’t she just look gorgeous!


4.       I started crocheting recently (last Thursday) and I just finished my first crocheted item and I am shipping it tomorrow as an early Christmas present so my bestie can wear it when it actually starts to get cold in Tucson. I’ll post pictures of all my crochet items after the holidays so I don’t ruin the surprises for my giftees!


5.       Our apartment is finally coming together thanks to my boyfriend. I’d like to say me, but not really. I just put the dishes in the dishwasher and cook dinner (sometimes). Oh! And buy cute stuff for our gallery wall so we can get it put up soon!


6.       We have a Halloween party this Saturday to attend and I don’t have a clue what to be and am just ready for Halloween to be over. I just want to start decorating FOR CHRISTMAS! I do in fact start decorating on November 1st. Just try and stop me.


I really am trying to focus on posting more regularly! I am diligently writing in my planner (with pencil) and following it 35% of the time! I think that’s some real improvement. Overall life isn’t too shabby and I’m hoping I get mad-talented at crocheting. And yes, I did just say mad-talented; it’s one of my new favorite “slang” vocab words. I hope you have some exciting Halloween plans this weekend too! If you have any simple-ish costume ideas, let me know; I’d appreciate it.






P.S. Mother you still will receive the first crochet item I made… It was your request and now you’re stuck with the hot mess that is that project. *kiss, kiss* Love you!


Today I am celebrating. I am celebrating my partner’s 26th birthday! Look at him, isn’t he so handsome??


photo (3)


The correct answer to my question above, is yes. He’s strapping.




We will spend the day working (unfortunately) and then have a delicious, vegan dinner with his Dad and brother. From there we will head to the Hank 3 concert; which I’m sure is going to be a good ‘ole time for sure. (I really wish you were here in Cali Bearpaw; you’d have way too much fun.)




Not familiar with Hank 3? Here is a little taste of what I’ll be listening to all night.



Cheers to this man, whom without, I would have probably runaway and no one would have heard from me in 8 months. He keeps my head above water and can’t resist my pouty face; it’s damn near perfect.




photo (2)


PS. I’m not sure who said my title quote…

I found this blog yesterday morning that I have become unhealthily obsessed with as the day has progressed. It’s all about traveling, traveling by yourself and tips for being in a new place. It’s just awesome to put it plainly. The blog is called World of Wanderlust. and it makes me want to travel the world. I have read close to 25 of her articles and I continue to read every one that pops up!
Here are the articles that have already inspired me to want to just pick up and travel the world:

1. Deciding to Travel Solo: Breaking Through 6 Common Concerns
This article goes over the thoughts people tend to have before then feel like committing to traveling solo is an option.

2. Why All Women Should Travel Solo Once in Their Lives
Well I get restless easily and want to travel (Hello California!) and yet I get homesick easily… I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t. Plus I’m a woman so I figured I should read this just because.

3. Afraid to Travel Solo? All it Takes is One Moment of Insane Courage
Who doesn’t want to do something they think they’ll never get to do again in their lives?!

4. If You Don’t Know Where You Are Going Any Road Will Take You There
As you can tell, I feel like this is my current life anthem. I’m not sure where I’m headed so I’m a little lost looking for paths. I just need to remember that no matter what path I take will get me there… I just prefer knowing where there is.

5. Young and Restless: The Modern Day 20-Something
ANY person I’ve met in my generation tends to feel like they are wandering aimlessly and have no idea what the hell they’re suppose to be doing. We no longer live in the world of getting married, having a family and fitting a career into that. We want to live for ourselves, we just have no idea how to. (PS sorry if you have your shit together, congrats.)

6. 11 Completely Awkward Solo Travel Scenarios (And How to Cope)
She offers helpful safety tips and general tips on what to do when people ask why you’re alone over and over again.

7. 10 Practical Tips for Solo Female Travelers
Again, I’m a woman and if I ever travel solo, these were super helpful.

8. Tell Yourself 20
I just really needed this simple list of 20 things you should tell yourself. And sometimes we all need inspiration to keep us going.

Keeping up with the Wanderlust theme, I am going up to Big Bear this weekend with my partner and his family. Maybe I’ll have some exciting adventures to share, or maybe I’ll forget my camera or never take pictures… Which given my track record is probably going to happen. Anywho! I hope your weekend rocks, because I know mine will!

PS. Here’s some Big Bear pics!




Right now I’m in a bit of a funk. And even though I’m not exactly sure why the tough get going all of a sudden when it gets tough, but I feel the urge to follow them.


I don’t want to be stressed about money and relationships and work and school. I just want to be happy! Is that too hard to ask?! It’s unfortunate because I use to have such drive, and will, to accomplish huge life goals, yet after some hard blows, this train has gone off the rails. Because of this never-ending loop of doom I’m stuck in, I’ve decided to make some terrifying big changes.



I’m going to figure out how to scrape up the money to apply (yes, only apply) to online school. And I’m going to look into applying at a local CC where they offer certification in American Sign Language. Now this is terrifying because if I get into school, I don’t know how I’ll pay for it. And anyone who has been in my situation will know that tuition money doesn’t pop out of the ground in Spring just waiting for the pulling; so that’ll be an interesting 88 degree battle. (That’s almost a 90 degree angle for those of you who didn’t take geometry.)



I applied at Starbucks part time to continue the legacy that my Brother and soon to be Sister-in-Law have started. Mainly I applied there for a second job because I have only heard really good things about them as a company and there’s only drama because of the people who work there. A sound company with people drama? I can handle that! Also, if I make more money then maybe I won’t be so poor.



I’m applying at a second part-time job to help with the stresses related to money. Yes it will suck up my free time, resulting in more stress in my relationships section. However, I think lessening the stress of only making enough to pay the bills and eat rice with beans will trump being crazy busy and potentially working 14 hour days.


Ahhwww relationships. Sometimes they’re easy and sometimes they’re difficult and right now I am just trying to survive them. It is quite hard being away from my friends and family recently. I chalk it up to my good friend and my brother recently living alone; aka big life events that I wish I could share with them. And yes, I have seen their abodes while I’ve visited; but it’s tough knowing I can’t just go sit with my best friend and binge watch Netflix or go play video games with my brother. I figured it would start to get easier, but it hasn’t and that longing is getting real old. I know if I ever was too homesick I could take a few week hiatus from life and stay in my brother’s spare bedroom, the couch at my parent’s place or even crash with a good friend in Phoenix. I’m just afraid once I get a taste of how sweet all that may be, that I won’t want to come back to California. Which brings me to the dilemma: the one I love in California and the people I love in Arizona. It’s not like I don’t have friends in California who have helped me through some crazy shit, I do have some amazing friends here. So it must be my family who are sucking the fun out of living away from Tucson, thanks worst mother ever. (Don’t worry, side joke.)


This has turned into a blog post mainly derived to help me be held accountable for all this shit I don’t want to actually commit to. Remember, I avoid goals that aren’t trivial these days. I’ll keep you updated on whether Starbucks wants another Frey in the company or if 1 ½ is already too much. I leave you with some inspirational quotes because they give me a false sense of hope that I need right now.

Great things never came from comfort zones









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Jump, and you will find out how to unfold your wings as you fall. - Ray Bradbury

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So the #clouds in #Tucson look like #cottoncandy tonight. 😍😍😍😍 #sunset #nofilter #imissedthese #boba for days. #froyo #planetsmoothie #watermelon Beyond stoked for my new #backpack! #theforceisstrongwiththisone #vans #starwars #yoda #docollegekidswearbackpacks #dgaf #yas Only in #Arizona are the closest parking spots empty and the further shaded spots are filled. #Tucson #Phoenix #dyingoverhere #hothothot

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