Right now I’m in a bit of a funk. And even though I’m not exactly sure why the tough get going all of a sudden when it gets tough, but I feel the urge to follow them.
I don’t want to be stressed about money and relationships and work and school. I just want to be happy! Is that too hard to ask?! It’s unfortunate because I use to have such drive, and will, to accomplish huge life goals, yet after some hard blows, this train has gone off the rails. Because of this never-ending loop of doom I’m stuck in, I’ve decided to make some terrifying big changes.
I’m going to figure out how to scrape up the money to apply (yes, only apply) to online school. And I’m going to look into applying at a local CC where they offer certification in American Sign Language. Now this is terrifying because if I get into school, I don’t know how I’ll pay for it. And anyone who has been in my situation will know that tuition money doesn’t pop out of the ground in Spring just waiting for the pulling; so that’ll be an interesting 88 degree battle. (That’s almost a 90 degree angle for those of you who didn’t take geometry.)
I applied at Starbucks part time to continue the legacy that my Brother and soon to be Sister-in-Law have started. Mainly I applied there for a second job because I have only heard really good things about them as a company and there’s only drama because of the people who work there. A sound company with people drama? I can handle that! Also, if I make more money then maybe I won’t be so poor.
I’m applying at a second part-time job to help with the stresses related to money. Yes it will suck up my free time, resulting in more stress in my relationships section. However, I think lessening the stress of only making enough to pay the bills and eat rice with beans will trump being crazy busy and potentially working 14 hour days.
Ahhwww relationships. Sometimes they’re easy and sometimes they’re difficult and right now I am just trying to survive them. It is quite hard being away from my friends and family recently. I chalk it up to my good friend and my brother recently living alone; aka big life events that I wish I could share with them. And yes, I have seen their abodes while I’ve visited; but it’s tough knowing I can’t just go sit with my best friend and binge watch Netflix or go play video games with my brother. I figured it would start to get easier, but it hasn’t and that longing is getting real old. I know if I ever was too homesick I could take a few week hiatus from life and stay in my brother’s spare bedroom, the couch at my parent’s place or even crash with a good friend in Phoenix. I’m just afraid once I get a taste of how sweet all that may be, that I won’t want to come back to California. Which brings me to the dilemma: the one I love in California and the people I love in Arizona. It’s not like I don’t have friends in California who have helped me through some crazy shit, I do have some amazing friends here. So it must be my family who are sucking the fun out of living away from Tucson, thanks worst mother ever. (Don’t worry, side joke.)
This has turned into a blog post mainly derived to help me be held accountable for all this shit I don’t want to actually commit to. Remember, I avoid goals that aren’t trivial these days. I’ll keep you updated on whether Starbucks wants another Frey in the company or if 1 ½ is already too much. I leave you with some inspirational quotes because they give me a false sense of hope that I need right now.